Breathe
By Señorita Lechuga
(TERROR STORIES that make loving me scared)
Final Credits
And in the end life
It was only this:
Dying in pieces
Every time someone
It goes before one. Gustavo Yuste / Poet
It terrified me to think that I can be like this all the time.
How?
Controller
Impulsive
Obsessive
Insecure
Manipulator
Infidel
Violent
Dishonest
Selfish
Immature
Dependent
No commitment
The last time I fell in love I was ghosted, violated, manipulated... These are scars that I now carry everywhere, like a map tattooed on my heart.
The worst horror story.
And since then my life has been a frantic train of love insecurities, I meet someone and at the first opportunity I feel that he will stop talking to me, that I am not nice enough, not pretty enough to have his attention all the time. What's so strange about me, that hasn't happened to others? No matter how much therapy, friendly counseling, the thoughts always come back, over and over again like stones falling straight into my brain. I don't want to meet someone anymore because I feel I will fail, the worst failure is this, to think and not try, to not try and be stunned.
Love misfortunes should not rule my day to day and yet they do, before they gossip me , I gossip, before they make me angry, I perform any action to make him angry, I question him, I question his comments, with a tenuous flag of assertiveness I violate him, I am all the previous relationships in which I have failed, I follow that route that leads any relationship to failure.
Sometimes I just want peace and I don't give peace, I go back again and again to the mistake, the reason, I am confused, I want to start again but there is no turning back, I have watered it. I see his beautiful face and he is not to blame for anything, he is a free agent and full of love, that I am turning into the ghost of the other unresolved loves. I have become everything I once swore I didn't want in my life. Yet I am still, writing this text and reflecting Do I want to go on like this? Being a sinister copy of all previous love mistakes. I count, 1, 2, 3, 3, 4, 5, and I want to start over, each person is a different island, each person is a new experience, but I am the same, now reflective and bright, I don't want this, I don't want to continue acting from fear, that's what I have done acting from anguish and fear, today I want to let myself go, go through other places, act from love and not be my own horror story and not be able to love again. Because when it is the right person, fear becomes LOVE.
The opinions expressed are the responsibility of the authors and are absolutely independent of the position and editorial line of the company. Opinion 51.
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