Breathe
By Sara Reynoso
In my years as a therapist, I have observed two constants in every patient who comes to my office (and of course I include myself in the statistic). 1, we all live in fear of something or someone, and 2, we all live looking to belong, to something or someone...... But that will be another column. Today let's talk about fear, that fear that sometimes arises absurdly and out of nowhere, we don't understand where it comes from, but it shows up in the entrails of being..... And there is another kind of fear, the one that speaks loud and clear.
Fear of heights, dogs, cats, the future, the unknown, and a good percentage of the origin of our fears has to do with the fears of our parents, if we grew up in a home of "do not do, do not say do not touch, do not climb, cover yourself, do not eat that", surely we bring a good package of "installed" fears that are not ours.
As a child I grew up with countless fears, I could not be in a dark room in silence or without turning on the light, so as soon as I became a mom I said, I am not going to transmit my fears to my children, so my children climbed, they jumped, if they did not want to cover themselves they did not cover themselves, and I was the mom who let them be fearless while I breathed and prayed for them to be safe. It worked, we have always been safe, besides they are both quite fearless, my daughter's 15th birthday party was to jump from a parachute, and of course my 12 year old son also jumped.
I certainly didn't do it. I stayed downstairs praying and looking for little dots in the sky that resembled my children, but it's the only time in my life I've ever stopped doing something out of fear. Because yes, fearful and a half, but my motto has always been: Scared but DO IT. It's always better to regret what you did than what you didn't do.
That day my pretext for not jumping out of the parachute was: I have the responsibility of taking care of many children and what if I faint and ruin their celebration? Because what do you think? My level of fear can reach such a level that I faint, yes ladies and gentlemen, the day of my wedding I fainted, the first time I crashed, I fainted, when I went to see loved ones in hospitals, I fainted. And so I have gone through life for 53 years, surviving fainting spells and fears.
And although my level of fear is EXTREME, my rule is: Fear will never stop me. So I have done countless things that most 50-something ladies have not done. I have climbed alone an erupting volcano in Guatemala, I have slept outdoors in the jungle of Costa Rica even though we were told at the retreat welcome: "If you get stung at night by a scorpion, don't worry, you will be unconscious for 24 hours but then you will wake up". I went with my eyes closed into the sea of Bali afraid of drowning because I do not know how to swim in the sea, and at a certain point, I trusted in God and let the current take me. Rapids in rivers, zip lines, traveling alone, many mountains climbed, craters, mountain retreats, but what has given me more fear in life, has been to stay alone with my little children of 3 and 6 years after they told me: I want a divorce, I am no longer happy with you.
What am I going to live on? What am I going to do with these two little ones? I remember fear petrifying my body and my mind flying to a thousand apocalyptic scenarios. That was more than 16 years ago, I got through it much better than anyone, including me, could have predicted. I got ahead, changed careers for something I am truly passionate about, and everything I dreamed a man would give me, I managed to provide for myself and my children, we are alive, full and complete. Once again fear was an illusion that lurked like a dragon, but it faded with time.
And I ask you, how many times has fear lurked in your life looking like it's going to strike you down? And just when you choose to pass the circle of fire, you realize it was an illusion and you are safe.
Fear has two functions, to alert us to real dangers and to block us to the point that we stop living our lives out of fear. Today I say to you, never stop doing something because of the false illusion of fear. I have a mantra that I repeat day and night, particularly in extreme cases and it is: I am always protected and preserved by the light, always.
When the dragon of fear approaches, take a deep breath, put your right hand on your heart and remind yourself that you are fine, that you are safe and that everything has a reason. Fear is our defense mechanism...But it is one thing to live in fear and another to be a coward, that is a big word.
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