Breathe
By Rosa Covarrubias
We women are used to being constantly questioned about our private lives, why don't you get married, or why haven't you married? This is the first questioning we receive when we enter our 20's.
But there is another one that is more uncomfortable, why don't you have a child, that one when you are single, when you get married it changes a little bit, do you plan to have children, or when do you start having children?
I must admit that before I was 20, I used to ask the question of children to cousins, aunts and some friends older than me, until one of them answered me in tears, "I can't, I just can't have children".
I knew that her greatest desire was to have a family, which is why her answer left me cold. From that moment on, I stopped asking women close and not close to me about their decision not to have children and it is not that it is a taboo, the answer can be so painful for those who cannot have children, that it is like adding more lemon to the wound, especially if we take into account that 50% of the cases of infertility in a couple are women.
There is also the other side of the coin. Being mothers, for many women, is not a life goal, it is not a priority and it is simply not within their projects.
When the answer to the uncomfortable question is, "because I don't want to; I don't see myself taking care of another person for the rest of my life; I don't like children or because I don't have the economic solvency to give a good quality of life to another human being", the responses from the environment are even more aggressive, they label you as selfish, stingy or perhaps, the one that has generated more anger and concern in me: "surely no one can stand her to do her the favor".
It is a reality that in the XXI century, social expectations place women as mothers and if you are not, for a great majority, you are not good as a woman or your gender is questioned because you do not want or simply cannot have them.
The reasons why I do not have children are mine and no one else's. I have been verbally attacked on some occasions for not having them. On some occasions I have suffered verbal aggressions for not having them.
I remember that afternoon when a colleague said to me: "Are you sure you are a woman, I think that until you have a child I will believe you are one.
Some friends stopped inviting me to their meetings because they became children's parties and, as I don't have children, I am not invited because, according to them, "I will get bored".
I have been taking care of children since I was 12 years old. I was a nanny for my nieces and nephews and more than 15 have been under my care.
They left me in charge of them even though they had fever, vomiting, bronchitis and a myriad of other illnesses, I had to take them to the hospital in the middle of the night or at 3 in the morning.
They were not at all quiet and I always had to watch out for them because they would put things up their noses, swallow candy that would get stuck and make the stairs into slides, the mattresses served as sleds.
Even so, and it is not that I tell everyone, when I have "dared" to comment something about what happens with children, my friends who have children answer me, "what would you know if you don't have children and nephews and nieces are not the same".
Indeed, caring and living very pleasant and some unpleasant experiences with them, made me rethink the possibility of having children.
PS. Taking care of my nieces and nephews is the best life experience. If I had kids for sure I wouldn't be as apprehensive as I am with them, because they are not my responsibility all the time and, if something happens to them, there would be no parents to reproach me.
The opinions expressed are the responsibility of the authors and are absolutely independent of the position and editorial line of Opinion 51.
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