Breathe
By Rosa Covarrubias
I couldn't help but feel, once again, that anxiety that comes when someone gets desperate, starts grabbing their head, then pulls their hair (if they have any), starts grabbing their face and there, at that moment, they scratch themselves, unintentionally or intentionally, but they end up hurting themselves.
Manchester City's match against Feyenoord brought out the inner demons of one of the most successful coaches of the 21st century, Pep Guardiola, who became desperate when his team lost a three-goal lead and ended up drawing against the Dutch team.
Guardiola came out to the flash zone (interview zone for the media with rights), with visible scratch marks from miles away, even with a slightly deeper wound on his nose, an image that automatically went around the world. There were those who made jokes and memes about it. The ones I remember reading the most were from, 'did a cat attack him?' to those jokes with sexual connotations.
At the press conference, after being questioned about those marks, Pep simply replied: "I made them with my fingers, with my nails... I want to hurt myself", many took that answer as something ironic, but when you are aware that the desperation for something that is out of your hands will take you to the limit, you can't take it as a mockery.
The next day, Guardiola's apologies for "taking so lightly" the answer he gave at the conference about the scratches, he mentioned on his social networks that it was not his intention to minimize the mental health problems that afflict millions of people in the world and help should be sought if necessary.
The pressure that a manager of a soccer team has, in many countries is usually greater than other management positions, your job depends on 11 people understand perfectly what you intend and execute it in the same way, but in most cases things will not work out that way and, when those people on the field do not work as a team and stress overflows, it takes you to the limit.
That image of Pep with the injuries on his face and head, added to the mockery of the people and the apologies of the Spanish coach, made me reflect on what I felt when I saw him like that and I went back a few years in my life.
I remembered that time when I was 8 years old, after my third grade teacher criticized a drawing I handed in, which my mom did because I really suck at drawing and crafts, I ran out of the classroom crying and running, hitting the wall so hard and constantly that I cracked my fingers open, which made me feel better.
When I was 13 years old I started scratching my face and arms, I did it to calm myself down, to not feel pain or to make the frustration go away when something didn't go as expected.
I thought that in high school I had it under control and it was behind me, I did too much exercise and that helped, but it came back in college and stayed until the first years of my professional life, I was embarrassed to talk about it, I did not want to worry the people around me and before, I did not know how to handle it, I did not like to be told that I was crazy. That's when the help of a psychologist arrived, we detected the reason why I did it and I was able to control it.
November 2019 was the last time I did it. It had been a very complicated year personally and everything overtook me; I was traveling abroad with my family and I still can't forget my mom's worried face when she saw me do it. I wanted to run, to get some fresh air to stop scratching myself, I asked her to leave me alone for a moment, something that, of course, did not happen, she stayed by my side, we walked together and I managed to calm down. On my return home I went back to look for my psychologist.
It has not been easy to write this column, but I could not avoid doing it, especially after seeing Guardiola's face like this, with scratches.
Thousands of questions went through my head, but the first thing I felt was empathy for him, again I thought about the mental health of athletes, the pressure they must endure, the criticism from couch jocks or armchair coaches who drink beer and take out their frustration and anger against those who seek to entertain with their work.
If you are reading this, if it has happened to you, really seek help, when it comes, believe me, you learn to know yourself, to handle it and to control the helplessness and pain in a different way.
It is important to talk about it, discuss it with your family and ask for help immediately.
The opinions expressed are the responsibility of the authors and are absolutely independent of the position and editorial line of the company. Opinion 51.
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