Breathe
By Mónica Hernández Mosiño, writer and columnist; author of La Cofradía de las Viudas and Las Perlas Malditas del Almirante.
It is paradoxical, if it were not cruel, that LOVE is the root of the gender violence that we live/suffer/suffer in society. It is a tragedy that it is the love of fathers and mothers for their children that engenders the stereotypical differences with which we grow up in this country.
I just had the opportunity to have a conversation with a friend of my age, ergo, of my generation. Among a lot of other topics we came to the one that defined our lives: the difference in education given by gender. My friend summarized her story: in her house two girls were born and then the brother, the desired one, the one who would carry the family name to the next generation. Both sisters studied in a religious school exclusively for girls and the brother in a secular, coeducational school. Sports also separated them from an early age: the boy developed competitiveness in different sports, while he developed the skills involved in school, national and international soccer tournaments. The same with companionship, frustration tolerance, resilience and all those skills that are learned by practicing them and that in sports are learned in a natural or organic way, as we would say today. The sisters did not miss classes of feminine activities, aimed at being graceful, well-behaved, well-intentioned and educated to be the ladies of the future (which is already today and in a few years, will be yesterday). Personally, I remember a course for ladies that was given in the Palacio de Hierro stores, where they taught how to clean pillows, quilts, make floral arrangements, the right length of nails and color for manicures. They even gave protocol sessions. Not to mention sitting and walking in heels. The family classes and sermons about virginity and honor and skirt length, which the sisters listened to until they stopped hearing them, deserve a separate chapter.
My friend's family, like all of Mexico at a certain time, was hit by the crisis. Two-parent families were almost all dependent on the father's salary (the mother worked in the home and in charity work). The parents, concerned about the future of their children, made loving and difficult decisions, without losing sight of the options that the three children would have, from their family's point of view. Fortunately, the first daughter had a boyfriend who would drive by her, as well as a credit card. That was said to be "good people". Priority was given to the son, encouraging him to study and to pass with excellence every activity that could be provided, in addition to the tuition of a private university, car and credit cards. He also received sessions on financial management, investments and even the stock market. The "problem" turned out to be my friend, the one in the middle. Rebellious and difficult, for wanting what the brother was getting (the car, the card, the extended night out schedule, the extra classes, permission to drink). She was a headache for her parents, because she insisted on studying (she was an excellent student, even if it was just to spite her parents), she didn't have a boyfriend to take her back and forth, and even less cards to pay for her outings. The difficult one became independent.
Fast forward a few years and we found the brother married out of necessity (grandchild was on the way). I guess he didn't get caught up in the sex care lectures, as the sisters did, nor did the bride, who had no choice but to devote herself to taking care of her family. Today he is a successful businessman, with healthy and deep networking. The older sister married the boyfriend who paid for her outings and is also devoted to her family. My friend married late (by the standard), had three children but her need to work and pursue her profession got in the way of her relationship and she divorced when the youngest was two years old. She has been a tireless but incomplete worker (she could never join the after with colleagues after work hours) and had to split into four to take care of her three children and their children's and youth activities, in addition to taking care of herself. Now that the children are getting older, she meets with friends, goes on trips and keeps her house. Alone. Single mother, hard worker, entrepreneur and a thousand other qualities. Needless to say, she is a woman like so many others in this country, which makes her just one more, one of the statistics. But at the same time, unique and admirable. To each one of them I offer my most sincere congratulations, for being brave, for going forward, for not letting anyone or anything get the better of them, for not victimizing even themselves. For believing in their talents and in their desire. Knowing she is one more does not make it easy, but she does not shrink from it.
There is no resentment for parents and less so because as they grow older and require our care, resentment has no place. I am not saying that being a parent is easy and that there is a manual to even know what children will do with their lives. In the end, parents are recognized for doing what they could with what they had at hand and how they understood it best, because they did it out of love. I will not say that times have not changed. But we need to change from now on the education of our children. I have nothing against religion (none), but I do believe in schools where boys and girls coexist from an early age, because in the world out there you have to coexist with men and women and personally, I believe that starting from early childhood gives certain advantages. I would include in the SEP's basic education program: basic finance classes: interest rates, savings and even debit and credit card management (fortunately, it is no longer necessary to fill out checks). Cleaning classes, washing dishes, making beds. Tire changing and oil refilling classes. And perhaps the most necessary in this country today: Civics would return as a compulsory subject, with a free textbook included. Neither skills nor responsibilities and even less teachings understand gender. Let's understand this once and for all.
The opinions expressed are the responsibility of the authors and are absolutely independent of the position and editorial line of Opinion 51.
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