Do you work or are you a housewife?

By Mariana Conde

Do you work or are you a housewife?

A failed question that implies that these two concepts are opposed; a false disjunction that poorly disguises a certain dose of underestimation. And the fact is that, even today, here and in China, for many, this is not work. 

I accuse myself of having fallen into such an injustice before becoming a mother. It took me days to forgive my husband when, after the birth of my daughter, the people at the hospital asked him about the mother's occupation and he answered: housewife. He swears it was a brutus slip of the tongue, I think his subconscious betrayed him; in those days I was no longer employed full time, but I was enjoying a consulting contract and had no plans to stop working. I was quite offended by the title he had made official just hours after I gave birth to my new employer.

I know of few jobs as demanding and unappreciated as being a housewife, and this almost always falls on women. Sonia Garza told us in this same newspaper last week that in 2023 "...women contributed 71.5 percent and men, 28.5 percent". of the economic value of domestic and care work in Mexico. 

The housework part should not be complicated to divide. But the issue becomes more complex when care for children, the sick or elderly relatives comes into play, which means that someone has to stay at home and work without pay. 

Of course there are couples where the roles are reversed and it is the man who takes care of the household, but for the purposes of these lines I will go with what happens in most cases and pose the following scenario:

A married couple in which both have paid jobs decides to have a child and agrees that it will be the woman who leaves her job. Maybe it is for fun or maybe because they have no choice given the lack of support from companies and the State for employees who become mothers, but let's assume that it is a free and consensual decision. So far so good. As in every project, the problems are in the implementation, since there is no contract, no regulation, no regulations, not even a few post-its in which the agreement, its scope and limits are set out. In fact, the word limit does not enter into this job description. 

But what do you say, put it in writing?You don't have to trust your husband. It's not a matter of trust but of setting the record straight; of expectations, roles and human nature that makes us accommodate when we know someone else will do things for us. 

I also did not make an agreement in triplicate, but if I did, I would include at least the following:

1. Finances. If I give up my salary to work as a housewife and mom, how will we divide the family income? Who will manage the accounts? How is the budget decided and who approves or vetoes spending? Will he also ask permission to spend? Because, as implausible as it may sound to some, we need to see the salary of the one who is gainfully employed as the amount billed by this couple partnership and that it should be used equally with equal rights and obligations for both parties.
2. Domestic and family responsibilities. I am the first to take care of the assets that the current payee brings home and to ease the burden so that he or she can continue to do so. By this I understand that it is not appropriate - nor is it humanly possible - for me to spend productive weekday hours preparing food, cleaning the house, going to routine school meetings or children's parties. This does not mean that my partner can "delegate" everything he dislikes or is lazy about, or that at eight o'clock at night he can lie down to watch TV while I put the kids to bed and wash the dishes from our dinner alone. As for the children, what can I say, they cannot be delegated.   
3. Support staff. One statement made me love my husband more after a few years of marriage, he told me: if you weren't around I'd need three or four people to take care of everything you do. If it's within your means, sacrifice a little bit of the family income to pay for help even a few hours a week; either to ease your burden or to escape for a couple's outing while someone else takes care of the kids. A psychiatrist, if you go crazy with exhaustion, will cost you more. 
4. Personal time: When does everyone get a break? Is the weekend even? I often hear "so-and-so comes home dead from the office." And you, my dear, how do you end up after a day between cooking, laundry, being a children's entertainer, valet, butler, nurse and driver? When the kids are already off to school this job can offer you the benefit of flexibility. I advocate taking advantage of it. Find something fulfilling, whether it's a hobby, exercise, culture, time to read or learn something new. Even better, use the time you buy yourself with item C on something that generates income or keeps you connected to the working world; if you intend to reemploy someday this will make it a little less difficult. While we know that the job market is tough for moms who have retired to motherhood, you may be able to forge a self-employment path.
5. AOB (Any Other Business). Everything else that comes out risks falling under the responsibilities of the executive Ve, that is, you. And so, you get to be a travel agent, a greeting or condolence writer, an Office Depot combined with Fantasías Miguel, a psychologist, a geriatrician for both sides of the family and an Amazon manager because no one else seems to know how to get "those little things that are used to tie up the wires". 
6. Timeliness. Like any contract, this one must be valid for a certain period of time. When will you be able to return to your job or pursue other interests? At the age when the child is accepted in the daycare center or when he/she is already in kindergarten? When the child turns seven and finishes building his/her nervous system? It is worth thinking about it, and although it sounds impossible, it can be done.

All this is, of course, best discussed before getting married or moving in together, it is difficult to renegotiate acquired rights . 

Today I value much more this invisible work that my mother, my grandmother, yours and so many other mothers and "simple housewives" have worked for generations. I recognize that there is more and more male participation and I see great examples around me. I hope that this trend will continue to grow and that this vital work will be valued and properly remunerated, which will only be fully achieved with a national care system. 

As my wise mother-in-law, businesswoman, mother and homemaker says: no one should give away their work.

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