Breathe
By Mariana Conde
Mirando a la distancia/muy linda ven mis ojos,
una hermosa damita/que calmará mi antojoLos Inesperados
“Mirando la damita”
Yo pensaba que la peor forma en la que podía dirigirse a mí un extraño era diciéndome amiga: ¿Cuánto de mandarina, amiga? ¿Amiga, qué te sirvo? Dame paso, amiga. Esto hasta que, desde hace varios años, ganó terreno como un virus el aberrante vocablo damita.
ODIO la palabra damita, no hay otra que me haga reaccionar con tal repulsión. Me parece que engloba con gran eficacia lo que está mal con la situación de la mujer, la última genialidad de la agresividad pasiva.
Dama, according to the COLMEX dictionary of Mexican Spanish, means: Noble or distinguished woman: to behave like a lady, to be a lady.
¿Quién decide cuál es el comportamiento distinguido? Bajo esta misma luz, ¿cómo puede saber el mesero que me llama damita mientras me sirve los shots, si yo –antes de perder la compostura al calor de los mezcales– me conduzco con tal distinción y nobleza?
The word is like a command, a sentence, a shackle: I name you lady because it is expected that you behave up to that concept. Now, we are going to muddy the diminutive. That is to say, it starts with dama, but so that you don't think it's too much, let's minimize it with ita. Then we are really screwed: we have to behave as an example of virtue, but at the same time we are reduced to an almost toy-like thing that does not command the dignity that is demanded of it. A true oxymoron, or what amounts to the same thing, to win the tiger's raffle.
Behind this façade of deference and gentleness in the treatment of women, there is in truth a linguistic vehicle of belittling and a way of continuing to see women as weak, inferior and worthy of requiring unsolicited protection, such as that lavished on a child, a person suffering from dementia or a pet.
To infantilize and minimize, we add the common sexualizing aspect of an infinite number of apparently tender ways of addressing women: mi piel, mi colita (although some do not believe it), cosita, muñeca, hembra, ricura (my skin, my little tail).
Basta revisar el epígrafe de esta columna, donde el voyeur lo que quiere en realidad es “calmar sus antojos” con la mentada damita. Misma a la que implícitamente ha cosificado, como pone en evidencia cuando dice ver una hermosa damita, como quien ve una yegua, y no ver a una hermosa damita, a una persona. Veo un perro, una taza, pero veo a Manuel.
As writer Martha Robles says in her essay De seños, damitas y madrecitas: "We must insist that language is not wrong: the verbal turns of phrase, masked or not, confirm the profound popular contempt for our femininity".
Does anyone say to the gentleman next to you, gentleman? No, never, unthinkable. Just like an Uber driver on the street doesn't yell "cosita", "chiquito" or "muñeco".
What seems more serious to me is that there are already cases in which some women, almost always in the hospitality industry (restaurants, hotels), have adopted the hated term, no doubt emulating the "polite" ways of their colleagues or bosses. I hope that if you are one of them and you are reading this, you will understand that this is not an attack, but a call to rebellion.
The times I have tried to shake off the denigration by responding politely to my interlocutor better lie to my mother, for some reason, have not gone well. What recourse do we have left?
Some ideas:
- Decir asertivamente: no me gusta que me digan damita; señora o Mariana está bien.
- Responder con un caballerito cada vez que nos digan damita hasta causar desconcierto y que nos llamen de otra forma.
- If nothing works, resort to the style of my mother who, when called mamita by a young waiter, made him repent like a sworn drunk by answering: mamita, your grandmother.
The opinions expressed are the responsibility of the authors and are absolutely independent of the position and editorial line of the company. Opinion 51.
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