Breathe
By María Alatriste
Some of us women keep asking for permission to be what we want to be. Since I was a child I loved to write, I was introverted and using my pen I was the happiest being. However, I grew up and as the adults said 'I had to think about something serious'. Although for a while I moved away from writing, I took comfort in reading. A very important step was when several years ago I wanted to publish a short novel; although I already had a great advance, I felt overwhelmed by the obstacles and validations I was looking for. I made a few attempts but that's all they amounted to, as if I was waiting for someone to tell me I could do it.
However, everything took a turn when I learned about the maternity gap and the baby penalty. My job was impacted by the demanding first few months of being a mother. Perhaps I could have looked for options, but my situation was radically reconfigured. I didn't want to miss out on this important stage; I needed to find more flexible paths. That flexibility also awakened in me the desire to take other paths, not only as a mother, but also as a woman and as a writer.
I started writing again, unintentionally at first. I found unusual moments to concentrate. As the months passed, I had written more than 150 pages and realized that I was creating a book. So, before moving forward with the idea of publishing it, I decided to finish the short novel that had been on the waiting list nine years ago. This time, with a different force. Almost two years later the novel was launched and the result has been satisfactory. It is clear that I have also had the support of many people around me because this work is collective.
I have been able to understand the literary world and have seen the barriers faced by emerging people who write, especially women. It's not a simple matter; with all the gaps we already face, being a female writer adds more challenges. And if we do manage to publish, it's very difficult to prevail over time because of all that it entails. However; we will not win that space if we wait for it, we must go for this one and this struggle must be tireless. Of course there are rejections, but there are also doors that open because you have not only earned it, but you have persevered.
I share the philosophy of Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love. In her book Unleash Your Magic, she mentions that we should not have so many expectations about what happens with our works, she also mentions that we should create what comes from the heart and give it to the world. What happens next is no longer our story. Often, we create with expectations and social pressures that lead us to abandon our dreams if they don't turn out the way we expect. We should do things because we enjoy them. Of course as a mother I know that there are many economic pressures and it would be better not to depend on writing; rather, let writing depend on our passion for it.
There are also eminent women writers, such as Nobel Prize winner Han Kang who has dedicated her life to it. However, many people unfortunately discredit her triumphs, suggesting that she was given the prize because of her ethnicity and because she is a woman. I have not yet been able to read The Vegetarian, but would the hate she receives be the same if she were a man?
This event gives us much food for thought socially. The discrediting of women is exhausting.
I have also observed people who write with extremely high expectations, often only to be disappointed when their books do not become bestsellers overnight. Literary works must be done with quality, but we don't need anyone's approval to do so. We don't need to be bestsellers to have the privilege of writing as long as we honor what it entails. And if it becomes, then great.
I am also reminded of Virginia Woolf, who talks about the need for a "room of one's own" in which to write. It is true that we polish what we write in a suitable space but sometimes we must write where we have to write. Let's not wait for ideal conditions because they will probably never come, especially with the scarcity of time we have when we are mothers.
Some people have mentioned that my work has touched their hearts, this has been wonderful and fills me with much gratitude. For me writing has transformed my life, even from childhood. It has made me connect with my essence, it has given me purpose and as a reader it has guided me in times of darkness.
If you love to write, don't romanticize the idea that your work will change the world. Fall in love with what you do and let it change your world through what you write.
The opinions expressed are the responsibility of the authors and are absolutely independent of the position and editorial line of the company. Opinion 51.
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