Breathe
By Rocío Correa
We know, going on pure morphine will rob us of your presence, you will lose the notion of time and space, maybe you will not recognize us anymore, but it will take you away from the pain to abandon you sweetly.
Rocio Correa
When life departs, when does life depart? It is not true that life departs just at the moment of the last expiration. Life is gone when you get to the point of being 94 years old and in full consciousness you realize that you are dying and in fact all you want to do is to tear your life away from you. you are dying and in fact the only thing you want to do is to tear yourself away from life.
You were happy, even without having children, you were happy, even without having lived with a partner, you were happy with yourself, full of friends and relatives present while you drank, ate, danced and traveled; sincere affections that accompanied you also in those days since you arrived at the nursing home, no one abandoned you, you never knew the bitterness of loneliness.
But today you know that you are dying, although no one has told you, your leg is practically gangrenous, you fell a month ago and the wound was never able to heal despite all the cures and antibiotic cycles; the thought of surgery was not feasible, not with a circulatory system as compromised as yours has been for several years.
No one has ever told you, but the lacerating pain that keeps you awake at night and makes you tremble during the day is the announcement that the end is near, and you know it. As you say, Aunt Delfina, "facciamola finita" (let's get it over with).
Yes, let's get it over with, but how, when? Yesterday your sister together with the nephew who have taken care of you in this phase of your life, decided and gave authorization to the doctor who follows you inside the nursing home to pass to the heaviest thing, to pure morphine. It is true that it is still surprising how much lucidity there is in your head, you are so present that you are able to make a complete list with day, month and year of the birthdays of your parents, your brother, your 3 sisters, your 7 nephews and who knows? how many more acquaintances, you still have 3 cigarettes to smoke and to think that there were even voices in your family to get rid of cigarettes! That was about 4 years ago, the first time you fell.
We know, going on pure morphine will rob us of your presence, you will lose the notion of time and space, maybe you won't recognize us anymore, but it will take you away from the pain to abandon you sweetly..
Voices, always voices, from one side, or the other, from near or far, who believe they have a better alternative. Today I was approached by a nurse who questioned me for canceling tomorrow's appointment at the hospital; "they are not doing what needs to be done". She doesn't know that yesterday the doctor was asked: what would you do if it were your mother or sister? To which she replied: "I would leave her alone" and then what do you decide? Who do you listen to? There is no more, you Aunt Delfina, in the end who cares what the others say, in the same way, they are always going to judge us. they will always judge us.
"The unspeakable must not remain silent."
Rocío Correa
rocio.correa@icloud.com
The opinions expressed are the responsibility of the authors and are absolutely independent of the position and editorial line of Opinion 51.
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