Breathe
By Karen del Valle Amezcua, human rights defender, is a specialist in Public Policy and Gender Justice. She has a diploma in Attention and Prevention of Sexual Harassment and Harassment Cases. She has experience working on electoral, gender, access to information and sexual harassment issues.
June 28th is the International LGBT+ Pride Day. Thinking about my experience as a pansexual person, several acquaintances, realizing that I relate intimately with women, have asked me: how do you fuck among women? I, for one, am grateful for the confidence of approaching me to ask, but it also makes me realize how invisible we sometimes are.
The story tells us about how sex has been conceived:
- With penetration
- Between men and women
- Women as passive beings
- A leading penis
The truth is that we can realize with a lot of facts about how little sex between women is talked about. On November 29, 2022, Singapore repealed an anti-homosexuality law that punished sex between men with two years in prison. Even, Minister for Home Affairs and Justice K. Shanmugam, said there are "no public considerations that justify making private, consensual sex between men a crime." After much searching on the repealed section 377A of the Singapore Penal Code, I realized what I know you suspect, this repealed section which punished men who commit "any outrage against public morals" against another man, at no time mentioned women.
Sometimes, as in Singapore's penal code, it seems that being invisible might give us an advantage, how would women who have sex with other women be judged?
In 1648 in the then Plymouth Colony, Sarah White Norman and Mary Vincent Hammon were prosecuted for "lewd behavior between them in a bed." During that time, England had strict laws against "bestiality" and penetrative sodomy, but there was nothing written when it came to conduct where penetration was not conceived, a category that would then include sex between women. Because of this, the relationship between these two women was categorized as a misdemeanor. The official charge was: "misdemeanor and lewd behavior (...) with various lewd speeches uttered". While Mary was only reprimanded, Sarah was charged because of the age difference.
These types of cases are particularly relevant considering that, by then, the courts represented one of the few places where same-sex behavior could be described.
Four centuries have passed from 1648 to 2022, but the concealment and taboo of sexual relations between women is a reflection of a hegemonic sexuality that defines normal sexual behavior as that which revolves around penetration - especially of the penis - and which continues to be deeply sexist, denying sexuality that goes beyond the norm. Even today it is evident that the social representation of homosexuality is fundamentally male.
The result of heteronormative ideas about sexuality is that they have not recognized the importance of women's sexuality and, as a consequence, have not given credence to the existence and experience of pansexual, lesbian, transgender, non-binary, etc. women.
According to data from Pornhub Insights, for 2019 the third most searched term on the internet porn platform was "lesbian". I've never been the number one fan of porn, but one thing I can say for sure is that porn on these platforms does not reflect the reality of everyone's sexual relationships. The truth is that when it comes to sex, everyone discovers what they like and what they don't like.
I believe that sex, first of all, cannot be separated from the life history of each of its participants. In that sense, sexuality is in constant transformation. When we use the word "fuck", in terms of time, we refer to a very precise moment. This moment is considered from a very patriarchal point of view, assuming that it begins with penetration.
On the other hand, thinking about the sexual act, it seems to me that it entails a look that from many women expresses an activity that implies a mixture of self-knowledge, imagination, will, communication, and consent in order to fully enjoy.
Just to give you an idea, the Spanish organization Diversual Academia, published in 2022 the "Study on female orgasm" in which they interviewed 4,294 people with vulva, from the study it turned out that:
- 79.6% of the people surveyed confirm reaching climax more easily when using erotic toys.
- 66% of respondents agreed on the importance of clitoral stimulation in reaching orgasm along with the degree of arousal by 73.2% and foreplay prior to penetration by 49.3%.
- Almost 60% of the people surveyed reach orgasm more easily in positions in which the clitoris is stimulated, such as the missionary position, the cowgirl position...
- 62.6% said they need direct clitoral stimulation to climax.
So, to answer what made me come here, I would say that the first thing is to stop conceiving sexual relations from penetration, heteronormativity, and the passivity of an actor. Sexual relations do not necessarily need to revolve around penetration! Next, I would stick with what Simone de Beauvoir wrote in Second Sex: "homosexual caresses involve neither defloration, nor penetration: they satiate clitoral eroticism..." although sometimes, they also involve penetration and many, many other things. Sex between women, as it is between any couple or group of people, has to do with what is decided and consented.
The opinions expressed are the responsibility of the authors and are absolutely independent of the position and editorial line of Opinion 51.
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