Breathe
By Fredel Romano
Happiness is an elusive concept, an idea that mutates with the times and the perspective of the beholder. Over the years, I have found myself returning to an image that, for me, clearly defines it: happiness is like a mattress. It is not a passing euphoria or a perpetual state of joy, but a foundation that sustains us through the ups and downs of life.
Emotions are cyclical: there are days of pure joy, moments of deep sadness, moments of anger, uncertainty, fullness. But if we have a firm cushion, those emotions fall on a base that cushions the impact. They do not pierce our essence or destabilize our existence. On the other hand, when this cushion is fragile or non-existent, any adversity can feel like a free fall into the void, with nothing to protect us from the blow.
Happiness is not the absence of pain, but the presence of an inner refuge that allows us to live fully, with all that life brings. The question is not how to eliminate difficult emotions, but how to build that space of containment that allows us to go through them without falling apart.
The Art of Building an Inner Refuge
Building this cushion of happiness is a process, a daily task that consists of small acts of self-love. It is not an exact formula or a destination to be reached, but a constant practice.
In my journey, I have found three fundamental pillars that strengthen this inner support.
Giving Us What We Need, When We Need It
Listening to ourselves is an act of resistance in a world that pushes us to ignore ourselves. In the name of productivity, duty and other people's expectations, we often deny ourselves what we genuinely need. Rest when we are exhausted. Eating what comforts us when our body asks for it. To seek solitude or company according to the pulse of our inner self.
It is not always possible to give ourselves what we need at the exact moment, but the key is not to forget. If we can't rest today, let's make it a priority as soon as possible. If we were not able to enjoy a moment to ourselves, let's find a way to get it back. This is a commitment to our own existence, an act of respect that builds a firm foundation on which to stand.
Questioning the "Should Be's"
From childhood, we are surrounded by mandates about how we "should be". Phrases
inherited from family, school, society. They seem harmless, but often take us away from our authenticity.
When we encounter "I should study more," "I should be more disciplined."
We should stop and ask ourselves: Is it a genuine desire or an imposed demand? If we discover that we really want it, we can rephrase it: "I want to study more. I don't feel like it today, but it is something I want to achieve". If, on the other hand, we realize that it comes from an external pressure without resonance with our essence, we can discard it: "This is not for me".
Transforming "I should" into "I want" or "this does not belong to me" is an act of autonomy. It gives us back the ability to choose our path from authenticity and not from the inertia of others' mandates.
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